My dearest Drew,

How do you tuck away 6 years of your life?

In boxes, tin cans, CDs and memories of varied shapes and kinds?

Would it be in the deepest recesses that you wish would never be unearthed?

How do you forget the greatest feelings of love, passion, anguish and loss?

For it’s true when they say that loving is more than just a single dimension. It is a sigh, a laugh, a breath, a tear, a kiss, an embrace; hurt, pain, melancholy, bliss, ecstasy, anguish, thrill – all in one incomprehensible packaging.

But why do I feel that it’s now so much easier to just walk away?

That my sanity is where my promises lay broken and regret for wasted years deepen.

I just cannot love you any longer and any more than I already have.

Clichés will be exchanged and words of comfort, dispensed. But I know that no amount of empathy or sympathy will diminish the pain.

Nights wasted on tears and disturbed stupor will come and somehow, I also know that they will go. For we, you and I, can no longer waste each other’s time.

Our expectations, our hopes, our dreams are no longer collective. I cannot ask you to give up the career you’ve worked so hard to build here in Miami. And with this same respect, you cannot (and should not) expect me to forgo what I feel to be my true calling.

I’ve tried to explain, to compromise, and to create scenarios (or perhaps, illusions) that might work – so we could stay together. But my heart yearns to help the underprivileged learn. The children in Batase Village are calling and I have to answer.

This is not a singular moment of choice but a series of small things leading up to a, to this – finale. We haven’t exactly been spending as much time or attention to each other as we used to. Everything is falling out of place but at the same time, falling into place. Do you understand what I’m saying?

I believe we’re going through a natural cessation. Or at least, that’s how it appears to me.

Will you hear me out when we sit down and talk about this a few hours from now?

I wonder.





©Nel 2014

April 30, 2014 | Cebu City

Side Note: Sometimes, I have conversations in my head. This is one of those.


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