high school.

 
words are mere descriptions
they do nothing
they will do nothing
to erase the agony
the scathing pain
my heart bleeds
my head spins
at the idea
the very thought
of losing my childishness
my carefree innocence
the joy of being young
time won’t stop
it can’t wait for my acceptance
i must move on
they say
someday
i say
now!
the voices insist
why?!?
why must fate carry me to this point?
i stand here
i look back
i see frilly faces
but i keep myself unaware
unknowing of what i’d see if i looked forward
i don’t care what life has in store
at this very moment
this very segment
i want to stay in my gaze
in my sullen contemplation
let me rekindle every flame
relive every memory
cherish every moment
remember every person
allow me to wallow in my defeat
my failure in conquering age
give me this chance
because i know
that i have to go on
and all these reveries would only be yesterday

 
 

©Nel 2000

7 April 2000 | Cebu City

Side Note on the Misplaced Files: The Misplaced Files are poems, thoughts, rants, and musings that were written on pieces of paper, notebooks, napkins and textbooks from 1996 (freshman in high school) to around 2005 (fifth year in college). All rough, random and unedited – posted in varying chronology as an effort preserve what might otherwise be lost in a fire or by the very act of my mom cleaning out the closets.

Photo Credits: http://www.photocase.com

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6 thoughts on “high school.

  1. I want to stay in my gaze…. Love that line! This poem really captures the trepidation of moving into unknown territory. Could be other times of life as well as high school.

    • Thank you Linda.

      I was reading through this among dusty notes and this reminded me of how much I daydreamed through classes. I think certain segments of our life teach us something and high school taught me that nothing really lasts forever.

  2. Well said. I couldn’t wait to get out of high school while I was in it (though there were many bright spots). Still, it left an indelible impression on me. You can leave high school, but high school never leaves you. :)

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