Someone I’m Not

Lost halfway where I’m supposed to meet you
Squinting only to find the mirage
Minor delusion, slight dilemma
What am I doing here?
Promises blown away
In the hailstorm on a summer’s day
What can’t I see?
What don’t I see?
What do I refuse to see?
Slapped with condescending truths
My principles, tested
My convictions, interrogated
Loving then must be a crime
Or is it just a misconstrued notion?
My thoughts come, then go
Granting me a stolen glimpse
Still I question what I can’t grasp
What exactly is this I can’t get hold of?
My smiles have found another place
A location I know not of
Perhaps upon the lips of a shattered soul
Who may have thought that love could make her whole
That’s how we all are at times…
Shutting out sight as if it weren’t there for a reason
As if romance meant eternal affection
Weeping for a love that’s not quite lost
But cannot truly be found
Arguing with shadows
Praying that sleep would come and take me
Without having to shed a tear tonight
Alas, once again, I’ve fallen
Upon reality’s cold, steel floors
I stare at the reflection
Is this truly me?
What have I become?
What have you made of me?


©Nel 2005

10:59pm | 25 August 2005 | Cebu City

Side Note on the Misplaced Files: The Misplaced Files are poems, thoughts, rants, and musings that were written on pieces of paper, notebooks, napkins and textbooks from 1996 (freshman in high school) to around 2005 (fifth year in college). All rough, random and unedited – posted in varying chronology as an effort to preserve what might otherwise be lost in a fire or by the very act of my mom cleaning out the closets.

Photo Credits: By Leeroy on

3 thoughts on “Someone I’m Not

    • It certainly is, Linda. But I think more importantly, in looking back, I come to realize how much I’ve evolved, hopefully learned, and grown. Those were rough moments but they also show me how lucky I am to be where I am now.

Help me find my way.

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