Not That Normal

The Holidays are finally on the not-so-distant back burner and everything is struggling to ease back into normalcy. Unfortunately, I’m not keen on being “normal”. My mind is still on vacation but then, I’d much rather leave behind moments when I was reminded by relatives that most people my age now have at least 2 kids and a marriage certificate. Could this antipathy for convention qualify me as a deviant?

Melanie T. Lim speaks of being one who believes in love but one who doesn’t “need a significant other to find significance in life.” And I can’t help but agree with her.

In the feature, she talks about the cycle of their house help: they come to work in their late teens and roughly two years later, leave to get married – either forced to because there’s a child involved or otherwise.

It’s madness how marriage is mistaken as the magic pill that will cure loneliness and provide meaning to a woman’s existence. Melanie captures this brilliantly.

“I cannot help but wish these girls had better dreams for themselves in the first place. It seems to me that every girl from the province who comes to the city has only one goal in mind: to find a husband. I just don’t get it. What kind of dream is that? It is just so disappointing. It is at this point in my ranting and raving when my sister interjects to tell me that I’m a deviant.”

I, too, believe in love. I’m in a “committed relationship” and it’s been a grand adventure. But I’m not in it because it’s my dream to find a prince who will rescue me and carry me into the sunset. Thanks but I don’t need to be saved or carried. Marriage was not a priority when it happened. I didn’t even have to look. It just happened. A revelation. Call that magic, chemistry, serendipity. To me, it meant that when one is ready, love will reveal itself.

Being comfortable in my own skin, in being my own person, in my independence, and in my being single were key in my being comfortable and open to the intimacy that a relationship provides. Love shouldn’t be a dream, but a choice.

Is this the norm?

Is this the norm?


©Nel 2015

6 January 2015 | Cebu City

2 thoughts on “Not That Normal

  1. I hate to think your philosophy, which so perfectly matches my own, is still considered abnormal. Good lord. Back in the early 70s, it was somewhat unusual for women to have life goals outside of husband + kids. But we women have fought hard to be taken seriously on our own terms, to not be defined as “the little lady.” I hate to think all those stupid expectations are still muffling young women today. Good for you for breaking the mold. Have a great year.

    • Hi Linda! Happy 2015!

      As old-fashioned and obscure as the idea of the woman marrying for security is, it still persists (as written in the article). There’s more to be done and more battles to be fought. The glimmer of hope is in that more and more are realizing that independence is more desirable than a supposed knight in shining armor.

Help me find my way.

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